The Foolproof Way to Resolve an Argument
I’m sure you can think of at least one person who is addicted to drama. While it may seem like those types of people just love drama, for the most part people don’t like to fight. Sometimes our bold personalities can cause us to say things we don’t mean or to say things in a way that doesn’t accurately represent how we feel. Oftentimes, our stubbornness and unwillingness to change can cause fights, whether those fights be big or small. All of these causes for fights often go unnoticed until it is too late, but trying these things out will hopefully be helpful.
Communicate The Problem
Shocking: communication, or lack thereof, is the leading cause of most fights. This is because we all communicate in different ways. Not everyone uses the same communication skills and techniques and thank goodness for that. However, when you’re in a fight with somebody, a difference in communication style can make it all the more difficult to understand the root of the problem. But, once you understand how the other person communicates, you will be able to work things out. Unfortunately, or fortunately (up to you), the only way to get better at communicating your feelings, problems, and concerns is to practice communicating. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
Typically, fights can be resolved simply be communicating and talking things over and through. But, there are times when one’s tone of voice can take an argument on a different course altogether, because a tone can lead to misinterpreting or misunderstanding the message. It is important to be bold and ask the first question, “Can you please rephrase that? I’m not understanding what you meant.” This gives the person you’re in an argument with the opportunity to stop and think about what he or she said and it gives them an opportunity to phrase it in a different way that keeps your feelings in mind. There’s a chance they’ll realize that what they said does not align with what they actually meant to say. There’s also a chance that they will be able to come up with an alternative way to express their feelings. Either way, being mindful of your tone of voice and asking for clarification when you think your opponent’s tone of voice is unclear allows for a win-win situation for all parties involved.
Express Exactly How Your Opponent’s Actions Make You Feel
Whenever I am in an argument with someone, I try to remind myself that I’m not wrong in how I feel — you can only be wrong in your actions. So, if you’re arguing with another person, he or she might say that how you’re feeling is silly or stupid. But, I don’t think it’s right for others to say that you’re wrong in how you feel.
You might also feel frustrated when you’re in an argument with someone. Noticing that frustration is super important. It’s normal to feel frustrated and this usually occurs when you feel as though your feelings are not being taken into consideration. When you start to feel frustrated, don’t start calling your opponent names or raising your voice, as doing such will not help resolve the argument. Instead, try using “I” statements, such as “I feel ____ when ____.” When you phrase your feelings this way, it gives the person you are arguing with the opportunity to see how their actions are directly affecting you. Instead of blaming the other person and using ‘you’ statements, simply state how you feel.
Find A Compromise
Every fight will eventually come to an end and hopefully by that time, you have found a compromise or have come to some sort of agreement. Maybe this involves a simple apology. Or, maybe you and your opponent are able to ensure that the same problem doesn’t happen again. Again, it’s important to express your own ideas, feelings, and ideas for ways that you can improve parts of the relationship. No matter what kind of relationship it may be, you are not the only one in it. It’s imperative that both people, at the end of an argument, feel satisfied with the compromise and that both people feel that they were heard throughout the argument.
You might also consider what truly made you upset. What is the root of the problem? We often fight with those we care about most, so it’s important to recognize the fact that you don’t want to hurt the people you care about. And, they probably don’t want to hurt you. It might seem hard to avoid hurting other people’s feelings at times, but you can minimize the chances of this happening by avoiding saying things that the person you’re fighting with is insecure about or by using a nasty tone of voice. All in all, by the end of a fight both people should feel heard, understood, and ready to compromise.
How do you resolve your arguments with others?